While he enters the room, he moves slowly, as if stepping through imagined lights, his face full of intrigue and his voice lingering like a caress beneath his charming gestures. He was Gossip, he was You, he was shadow — yet within his soul lies more than any demanding role could ever contain. A man who thinks, who loves, who waits. A singer in silence, a husband turned into a poem, a “stepfather and father to small constellations” as he says.
Penn Badgley, is a name impossible to hear without immediately recalling Dan Humphrey in Gossip Girl or Joe Goldberg in Netflix’s You. Yet his identity stretches far beyond those characters. Over the years, Penn has shared with a more intimate audience an abundance of reflections that now find their place beyond the Big Apple. In New Paltz, a small town not far from New York City, he has found refuge from urban chaos. There, with no roles to play and no scripts to follow, he reveals himself in his purest essence: as a man and as a writer. A synopsis of himself, a prelude to what unfolds in his new book. Can personal transformation truly thrive without a corresponding social change, or are the two inevitably intertwined? “The simple answer is that they are inextricably linked, and I barely manage to navigate this delicate balance. I could stop there. To say a little more, I see it as part of a dual moral purpose that gives meaning to every human life: developing your capacity to contribute to the betterment of the world is the best way to discover yourself,” he explains.
Yet Penn adds that we must all nurture a sense of community, of belonging, and take part in it. To truly transform, he insists, we need a culture that sustains us. A tangible community. “We are all united in this process of discovering how we can do better. I don’t believe our successful evolution means our capacity for sacrifice and collaboration will be overtaken by our animal drive for self-preservation — but I do believe it will be tested,” he confesses. He continues: “So, what does all of this actually look like in my life? Far easier said than done. American culture, inherently individualistic, and my fame as an actor both challenge me — almost everything, in some way, bends to its value system: celebrity. That might sound extreme. To paint a picture rather than theorize, I can describe my family. That is a social system, the smallest kind (and technically a fundamental building block of society). As a husband and father, whenever I can, turn soft and lovely. I once saw this written on a poster taped to a construction site near my apartment in Brooklyn: ‘Whenever you can, turn soft and lovely.’ Try it. In any situation, I truly believe humility and patience would improve things. To be open and receptive; curious and hopeful; kind and resilient; flexible, brave, and enthusiastic. I can embody those things — though rarely all at once, and never all the time. That is what I strive for.”
In August 2025, Penn became a father again to twins with his wife, singer Domino Kirke. The family already shared one child and a 16-year-old stepson. While working on this project, we had the opportunity to accompany him through every stage, up to the eagerly awaited moment of welcoming his children. “I love it. My wife is about to give birth to twins. You’re catching me at a moment of pause. By the time this interview is published, I will have become a father again,” he confessed at the time.
Going back to fatherhood. Being a parent is a transformative experience that often challenges one’s sense of identity. Maintaining authenticity during this transition is not always easy. Has he managed to remain true to who he has always been? Has it been difficult? What mark, what concrete transformation, has this new stage of fatherhood left on him? “I think I’ve remained true to who I am, although I almost lost that person between the ages of fifteen and twenty-five. During that time, I found myself caught in a crossfire that I think is common: I was afraid of not being a man, and at the same time afraid of becoming one, without really knowing what it meant to be a man, nor surrounded by many good men. Those years were, at times, arduous. Becoming a father —of sons— has given me, in some way, a lot of clarity. Age also began to bring that clarity, slowly, around thirty. That was when I started to experience a certain lightness,” he confesses. “Being a father is fun and joyful, deeply meaningful and rewarding, when you can be present. Easy to say, hard to do.”
In so many information, right and wrong ways to go, how does he choose to live your life, and your family’s life? “In short, I am Bahá’í. Bahá’ís believe that humanity’s crucial need is to find a unifying vision for the future of society, as well as the nature and purpose of life. The Bahá’í writings provide me with a framework for living. My family, my work, my friends: these are the areas where I try to apply those teachings, sometimes clumsily, but always sincerely. I suppose what I aim for is to remove every contradiction or hypocrisy from my behavior. I would love to die knowing that I succeeded,” he shares.
Recently I came across Nilda Chiaraviglio’s text suggesting that fully content people simply do not fall in love. Have you come to understand what true love is? What is your perspective on infatuation as a form of excitement distinct from love, and how one progresses toward building a genuine connection with a partner. Are we all really passive when it comes to love?
“I’m not an authority, but speaking from my experience, I have to say that today there is so much information about what truly makes us happy, about what drives a healthy relationship… and yet it’s not changing anyone’s life. Or at least not enough. Why? How can that be? We already have many of the answers we seek, and still we’re not drawn to them, to real facts. Culturally, we remain quite childish in that sense. So if we tend to be passive in love, I don’t think that is true love. We simply need to mature. We are passive because we don’t really understand love, we don’t fully believe in it, and we lack experience with its dimensions and its power,” he clarifies. “For me, I cannot honestly talk about love without including love for God. It’s less popular than ever to say that, and extremely unattractive —and rightly so, given the harms committed in the name of religion have been staggering. So I understand anyone who cannot tolerate that idea. And yet, in my experience, love has little power if you do not recognize its source. What is love that dissipates and becomes nothing after years, weeks, or days? Love that changes from one moment to the next? That is the love of songs and movies: it has no substance, no real life. It dies.
How can self-love be moderated so that it does not turn into arrogance? How can love have the power to influence the world? “Recognizing and loving our source, our creator, has been, in my experience, the only way to give love in my relationships sustained power. From there, everything we already know from science about the principles of healthy, happy relationships can receive the boost it needs, and then it starts to work. It’s not easy, but it works.” Heart-wrenching pain, genuine joy, strangeness and comedy. This intimate exchange of thoughts serves as the perfect synopsis of what Penn Badgley has in store for us this October 14th with the release of his first book: Crushmore: Essays on Love, Loss, and Coming-of-Age, a project created alongside his co-hosts Nava Kavelin and Sophie Ansari from the 2022-founded podcast Podcrushed.
“We explore so much, but above all, I think it’s about family, and the inherent struggle of understanding oneself on the road to adulthood. I believe it’s a small but inspiring book. Each of us wrote a series of essays exploring our own coming-of-age. I moved to Hollywood when I was twelve to pursue acting, so the book begins there: twelve-year-old Penn in Hollywood in 1999. From that point on, Nava and Sophie interlace their own experiences, which are so different: Sophie grew up moving from Pakistan to Manila and then to China, while Nava was raised in Puerto Rico. We take turns sharing stories. Yes, I think we’ve been very sensitive and very honest. I’m proud to become a published author alongside Nava and Sophie, who are both talented writers and, above all, wonderful human beings.”
Besides acting, books have an important role in his life. “Reading and writing began early in my life, and if there’s one gift my parents gave me, it’s my love of reading and my interest in writing. I’m grateful to both of them for that. I’ve always been a writer, in one form or another. Now that I’m published, I suppose I can say it with more confidence. This book is undoubtedly some of my best work,” he admits.
A book for a wide readership, that is how Badgley describes it. Both women and men will find themselves drawn to this collection of essays, whatever their age. “Read the first essay and decide if you want to keep going.” Since his two loves are not too far away and two worlds apart, I was wondering if he has ever considered uniting your two current roles — actor and writer — to direct a series or film? Or even step into production? “Yes, but you’ll only hear more about that once I’ve done it. I have a production company called Ninth Mode with my co-founders Nava Kavelin and Chelsea Rowhani. You’ll be hearing about us soon,” he notes.
New adventures continue to shape his professional path, though without ever abandoning acting, which remains a constant axis of his artistic life. The actor has just finished filming a romantic comedy entitled You Deserve Each Other, alongside Meghann Fahy and a stellar supporting cast of comedic greats. A story in which Kyle MacLachlan and Ana Gasteyer play his parents — no doubt, a true gem is to be expected. Directed by Marc Silverstein and Abby Cohn, the experience left its mark. “Marc and Abby are veterans and were incredibly supportive. It was absolutely refreshing and fun to make a comedy. I haven’t seen a cut yet, but I have high hopes,” he shares. And we share those hopes, too.
Penn Badgley may have opened the door to memory, to his values, and to the new purposes that sustain him today, but this conversation stands as a reminder of something way bigger. The importance of knowing oneself, and doing so without arrogance.
Photography: Inês Santos
Creative direction and fashion: MJ Molina
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